One top exec's experience of combining a career and family

Sue Anderson is Communications Director of the Council of Mortgage Lenders. She is married with two children, Alasdair, aged four and Greg, aged 2. Here, she tells Sarah Modlock about the challenges and rewards of combining a successful career with motherhood.

Maternity

I work for a small organisation - there were 20 staff in total at the time - so I knew that taking maternity leave would need planning to ensure that everything went smoothly. Luckily, we recruited a new senior member of staff into the team before I went on maternity leave, so we had enough capacity to cope. The only problem was that I did vaguely wonder whether I might not be missed at all and might be seen as surplus to requirements on my return! Luckily, this didn't prove to be the case.

Colleagues treated me normally while I was pregnant, which was exactly what I would hope (thankfully, colleagues refrained from trying to feel my tummy, always a gross intrusion, I think!). I did feel self-conscious going off for ante-natal appointments, as they are time-consuming and naturally create an additional burden on other people. High blood pressure made the later stage of both my pregnancies more difficult and so I worked from home for about a month on both occasions. I did try to put in extra time and effort to compensate for this - but in retrospect I think I worried a lot more about this than my colleagues did.

While I was on maternity leave, I did keep in touch with work developments and had reading sent home. The hardest thing in many ways was maintaining a 'hands-off' approach, as it would have been very easy to dive in and get involved on a whole range of issues. On the other hand, it was a real benefit on returning to work not to feel completely out of touch with policy changes and other developments. Generally speaking, I was much more conscientious about work the first time than the second time. The demands of a new baby and a toddler to boot tended to mitigate against much sensible work-related thought the second time round!

Juggling work and children

Having used both, I am much happier with a nanny than with a nursery. It is just about bearable to leave the children knowing that they will be happy and well looked-after. But my children still make quite sure to let me know they would prefer me to be around - they count off the days to Friday because it is a 'mummy day'. If I have to stay away overnight for work, or go to an evening work function, they do get cross. All of that can be difficult and guilt-inducing but I tend to take the pragmatic view that they would find something else to rail against anyway even if I were there.

I try to avoid going out in the evenings after I've been at work, at least until after they are asleep. They are much happier and more settled knowing that I am there to read them their stories, talk to them about their day, and generally relax with them until bedtime.

Constant compromise

The really killing thing about being a working mother only comes when things are going badly. My elder son (bright but stroppy) went through a terrible time a couple of terms ago, having awful tantrums at his nursery school. One day, when his nanny - usually unflappable - went to collect him, he was in such a state that I got an upset phone call from her to say that he would not calm down enough to get into the car, and that she and his teacher were out on the street with him trying to get him to calm down. One of the worst experiences I have ever had was trying to talk to my small, sobbing son on the phone to calm him down - and not being there in person to do it (when you commute you can't get there at the drop of a hat, either). This kind of thing is awful, and makes you want to give up work instantly - but, of course, this wouldn't actually solve the underlying problem anyway.

Another experience was when a crisis arose at work on a Sunday. It was a sunny morning last summer and the children were having breakfast in the garden when I saw the papers and realised it was all going to kick off. Sure enough, the phone started ringing and it became quite clear I would need to go into work. This wouldn't be the way anyone chooses to spend a Sunday, but it was definitely worse knowing that I was having to leave the children on one of the precious limited days that I jealously guard to spend with them.

Underlying this, and without wanting to sound martyr-ish about it, I think it is the case for me (and for many other working mothers) that I spend virtually no time thinking about, shopping for, or pampering myself. I think this is something that goes with the territory and it doesn't bother me - the boys and family are by far the most important things in life to me.

Finally, I think I'd sum up by saying that life as a working mother - or, at least, my life - is one long series of compromises! I compromise on work by doing a four-day week and I don't get to go to as many work 'dos' as I'd like to, but then again I don't get to as many school and nursery 'dos' as I'd like to either. I am neither a perfect employee nor a perfect mother, but I think to juggle working motherhood you really have to accept that sometimes things are going to unravel, and just go with the flow!