The pursuit of love

20 July 2005

by Sarah Modlock

Screen siren Mae West once described herself as 'A one-man woman. One man at a time.' These days it's more likely to be a case of 30 men at a time as busy girls and boys speed-date their way to relationships.

Love must indeed be a many-splendoured thing because millions of people spend a ton of cash looking for it. Around 10,000 romantics attend speed dating evenings in dozens of British towns and cities every month. Millions more are logging-on to the internet to browse through photographs and personal messages placed by other hopefuls in their search for 'The One'.

There are hundreds of web sites playing cupid. We are all busier and more comfortable with technology than ever before and the natural extension of that is to get personal online. Why risk several hours of awkward small talk on a disastrous blind date when you can effortlessly reject hundreds of potential partners in half an hour of surfing at home? But in a virtual tunnel of love where one unflattering photo or a badly phrased sentence can make the difference between a 'yes' or a 'no', fate takes no prisoners. It's not exactly The Love Boat now is it? In fact it's just as well the internet was not around when our parents' generation was 'courting'. If it was, most of us would not exist.

Some sites, such Loveandfriends.com allow you to browse and send messages free of charge. Others, like Yahoo! Personals allow you to get a feel for what is available and then sign up. Most carry success stories from users who met online and now have two children and a labrador. Other sites have subscription fees. The UK's biggest online dating service, DatingDirect.com, was founded in 1999 and now has more than two million registered members. It's charging structure is pretty typical: you are lured in to add your profile and search the database for free. But if you decide to contact another member or read or reply to another member's message will you need to upgrade to 'Premier Membership'. This allows you to send unlimited messages to as many other members as you wish - without anyone calling you a tart. You also get use of an advanced search function 'which allows you to narrow down your search for your ideal partner'. The mind boggles over the options for this. Could it be your one chance to find the only other Marmite-loving, scuba-diving Gemini in the UK? But that's enough about my perversions.

Trial prices start from a three-day stint costing £4.95. But if you find your online in-tray overflowing with messages from wonderful people then you're more likely to need more time and pay more money. DatingDirect costs £99.95 for a year of potential passion. Its membership is currently increasing 100% annually. Alternatives include Dateline which has been matching people for 40 years and charges between £15 for a month and £69 for six months, offering unlimited matches.

Speed dating events offer single people the chance to impress someone else within three minutes before moving on to the next. Definitely more nurture than nature. The format usually involves sitting the girls at tables as the chaps revolve around them. Each 'date' marks a scorecard for everyone they meet and if you both tick each other's boxes then the organisers pass on your email addresses. Speed dating evenings may be open to all who book in advance or may have a theme to introduce people from certain religions, professions, 'beautiful people' or even potential flat mates. Expect to pay at least £20 for a session.

Single file

There is also a veritable chocolate box of introduction agencies and singles parties. It's not hard to see how the industry is raking in more than £600m a year.

One now-defunct bespoke matchmaking service charged £25,000 for lifetime membership. Call me old fashioned but didn't this suggest lack of optimism on their part?

Closer to reality is London-based agency Drawing Down the Moon (Tel. 020 7937 6263) which has been around since 1984. It charges between £950 and £5,000 for a year's membership, depending on the level of service and whether you take up the same-day-application discount. It offers all members a minimum number of matches and twelve months of 'hold time' on their subscription to provide a chance for relationships to bloom. Twelve staff interview and carefully match members who can speak to each other on the telephone before meeting.

Mary Balfour who runs the agency believes that people sign up and hand over the fee as an investment in their personal happiness. 'There aren't the opportunities to meet people that there used to be. People tend to work extremely long hours, and you can't date people at work if you're serious about your career,' Balfour says. When you consider that research by Skipton Building Society found that men spend an average of £4,000 on dates in their efforts to find Mrs Right and women spend £3,000, a dating agency fee could make financial sense for many.

But don't let the pursuit of love blind you to scams. Because there is no legal regulation of dating services, anyone can set up a website or agency and take your money. You could find that there are hardly any other members or that the firm disappears without a trace.

The Association of British Introduction Agencies (www.abia.org.uk) is a good place to do your homework. Its current 26 member organisations are well-established and sign up to a stringent code of practice and an arbitration scheme is offered for settling disputes between members and clients. To gain membership, agencies must provide proof of their financial viability and that the business is conducted from premises which members of the public can easily locate and visit. Premium rate phone lines and PO box addresses don't cut the mustard.

And if after all this careful investment in your love life you are mobbed with unwanted attention, take some free advice from world renowned romantic Homer Simpson: 'Sensitive break-up letters are my speciality: Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you. PS I'm gay.'